You say Goodbye...

Oh, Please!
You know how hard it is for me to say goodbye.
So you can just imagine how hard it is to say hello again.
Because I know as soon as I greet you, I'll leave you, or you me.
Either way, I should just save us both the time,
Thus I'll keep the hellos short
and the goodbyes shorter.

So:



Hello
Goodbye

Words of Wizdumb

#1530

"You must give them your love, They must earn your respect"

Words of Wizdumb

#071

"There is no such thing as a bad joke,
Just bad timing"

First Impressions

Truth be told.
Getting on stage frightens me to death.
Being in front of people, with high expectations:
Is terrifying.
So for the first/past/last 10 years of my theatre career I have tried to convince myself I wasn't there to impress anyone.
And it occurred to me, while auditioning for the Sound of Music this past week, as I was straining to make the audience fall in love with my audition, and to hit the notes with such sweet melody, it made honey turn sour, it occurred to me that I was really just trying to impress myself.
I was trying to unlock some new skill level in myself, a new way to perform, a new way of theater.
And all the while I was trying to reinvent the art, I had forgotten that there has never been a Brock Powell before,
and (as comforting as this is to the world) there will never be another Brock quite like me again
and in some way,
That's impressive.

Words of Wizdumb

#0116

"Every grape happens for a raisin."

Try Try Again.

This is a poem I found in a notebook of mine from the eighth grade...
Enjoy.

I tried to wipe your tears away
And I tried to make you smile,
I tried to call you yesterday
Because it's been a while,
I tried to say I miss you
And I tried to let you go,
I tried to say I love you
But now you'll never know.

Wise Words from a Foolish Fellow

If words are cheap...
Then numbers must be free.

A Question And An Answer.

Why Blog?

What's the point?
I ask my self this every time I open this screen.
It's not like I don't know what is going on in my head.
So what's the point of spilling it unto the internet?
It's not like many people read it,
And depend on my words for creative sustenance.
So why pepper the web with my half-witted poetry?
Why post at all?
I won't change how things have turned out,
No matter how much I write and wish for it all to have been differently.
Why blog?
Because I like to show myself,
That it's okay to feel,
You're allowed to hurt,
It's all right to cry,
(Even if you have a Y chromosome)
It's all right to wonder and to wish,
It's natural to question,
But be ready for an answer, you may not want to hear.
Why Blog?
It's to remember that,
I'm not here to impress anyone.
And it's to remind myself,
That in a time where I don't really know what I'm all about,
I've got three things,
My Words, My Family, and My God.
Anything else isn't worth my time.
So where does this fall under?
All Of The Above.

From the Heart.

I LOVE:
my God.
my family.
my friends.
my job.
abba.
fairy tales.
poetry.
history.
feta cheese.
eclectic music.
doodling.
disney.
mythology.
writing.
exaggerating.
nintendo.
lists.
fads.
coconut.
giggling babies.
napping under trees.
cherry cola.
my iPod.
random butterflies.
theater.
mommy.
bears.
colors.
the unknown.
the unexpected.
the unexplained.
the unnecessary.
the unrehearsed.
the unwritten.
happily ever afters.
talking.
the things that leave me speechless.
cracking my knuckles.
fraggles.
green olives.
irony.
captain crunch.
dipping my fries in ranch-up (a ketchup-ranch dressing hybrid).
comic books.
dreaming.
tim burton.
noogies.
silver dollars
others laughter.
being caught off guard.
sneezing.
ideas.
buffalo wings.
change.
mcdonald's pickles.
hugs.
feeling small every now and then.
emerald green.
my sister.
chewing three pieces of gum at once.
learning new things.
the classics.
rambling on like a fool.
plaid.
meeting people.
loafers.
knowing useless facts.
silence.
hearing the sound of my own voice.
alone time.
knowing that i am never truly alone.
water.
kissing my grandma on the cheek.
cliches.
pop-culture references.
metaphors.
outdated idioms.
giving hi-fives.
green eyes.
smiles.
you.
my hair.
her.
whispering.
my future.
crying.
hibernating.
abrupt endings.

The Best Policy

Time For Some
Honesty

Below are Five Questions my friends and family have asked me over this year,
That I really need to answer again,
This time...
Honestly.

1) What do you want to be when you grow up?
First Answer:
An Actor, A Pastor, Maybe a writer..
True Answer:
I have absolutely no idea, I'm 19 years old, I'm just trying to turn 20 without too many complications

2) Do you miss someone since you went to college?
First Answer:
No, it's been pretty easy to keep myself occupied with new people.
True Answer:
Several someones. Some more then others, and a few more then I can say.

3) How have you been sleeping?
First Answer:
Gee Mom, I've been sleeping great, the beds are nice, and my new sleep schedule works out perfectly.
True Answer:
I haven't had a good nights sleep in over eight months.

4) How does it feel to be out on your own?
First Answer:
Amazing! I don't know if I'll be able to go back home now.
True Answer:
...It's fun, but sometimes, I just miss my mommy.

5) Have you ever been in love?
First Answer: No. Not real love. Not yet.
True Answer: Yes. Head over heels, Ears over Rear, Cliches over Similes.

A Season For Poetry Vol. 2

Heart Scribbles

I wrote you a song today,
About how I love you
And how I love your way,
How I will love you tomorrow
And how I loved you yesterday,
But it doesn't matter what I say
You'll never hear it.
It doesn't matter if I finish it,
Work the glitches
Fix the tempo
I should spare the stitches,
And just let it go.

AND

I wrote you a letter today,
With words so sweet
Of my hope so true,
How I long to be back
On the shore with you,
But no matter how much I write,
by sun, moon or candlelight.
I'll never send it.
It doesn't matter if I see the Postman,
I'll keep it hidden
Like only I can.
Because a song is just a poem with music added in
And a letter is just a dream thought up by a pen,
Neither of them are worth your attention
But I'll dry off these pages,
And write them again.

Relationship Tip #592

On occasion a very schmaltzy idea will pop into my mind,
An idea that could possibly make my romantic life a little easier.
So allow me to enlighten you as to my most recent amorous epiphany
(In hopes that you may help spread the love.)
(...So to speak.)
Many guys may not admit this,
But we need to have things spelled out for us.
I guess what I mean is:
I need to know if I'm special to you.
It's simple really.
I need to know if I'm wasting my time trying to get to know you.
So if you could let me know how you feel about me,
Sooner then Later.
That'd be great.
I know, I know,
It's usually not a ladies place to address her feelings so plainly,
but times are changing,
So for Pete's sake,
Open Up!

A Season for Poetry Vol. 1

Masquerade de Adoration

Our masks are on,
Both inside and out,
But the false faces we dawn
Just add to my doubt.
The music begins,
The dancers are set
With you in my arms, I'll never forget.
You smile at me and I respond with a nod,
You ask me what's wrong since I am acting so odd
I turn to you and firmly respond
"I am asking you one last time,
Through one last poem
With one last rhyme,
My eyes are sore,
My cheeks are wet,
You asked for more,
And this is all I have left,
Where do we stand?"
I ask with a grin.
Afraid of the answer,
You're forming within.
"Your move, my beloved.
So take your time,
try not to rush it.
I'll give you this chance
to end this dance,
to be the midnight
of this ball,
For I refuse to continue
Hand in Hand
this heart-swollen waltz
on this dance floor of sand.
So tell me,
True or False?
Will you take my hand
or Will you take my heart?
But remember,
You'll take it all,
If and when we part"
And then,
You sigh
With no reply.
You pull away
Nothing to say.
And as abruptly
As it started.
It Ends.



~And to think I thought you were the graceful one~

Weekend Juggling

So my weekend has just begun and it's already been one of the most productive/craziest of the summer:

1) I've managed to see Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls
(Thanks Hollywood for taking my childhood dreams and mashing them into an amalgamation of CGI splurging and Shia LeBouf's upchuck)
2) I've traveled to the Land of Disney and spent four hours on a play date with my inner-child.
3) I went with my roomate and his grandparents to see "Taking Steps" a British farce by playwright Alan Ayckbourn.
4) Began a weekend quest to rewatch the original Indy J Trilogy.
5) Currently attempting to become offbook for Little Shops of Horrors, three days before the deadline.
6) I've actually maintained a somewhat regular schedule of Blog Posting, which is more then most of my "blog-buddies" can say. Yay for fads that become hobbies!
7) I'm working on an audition piece for a summer production of the Sound of Music
8) I'm checking out a new church to plug into, so any suggestions are more then welcome.

And the best part is?
There's still two whole days for more!
Yip-yip-yaroo!

Washing Day

Good Morning Blogger.
I'm feeling good about this one.
I think I'll type a little longer.
Yup, that's about right.

-Perfect-

A change in me

I loathe quotations. Albeit sometimes the best things to say, have already been said...and published...and in some cases...written into lyrics for a Disney Musical.
Nonetheless, I have been sorting through a lot of feelings recently and I haven't had enough words to attach to them. Until now.

So without further ado, let me say thank you Alan Menken, for saying what I didn't know I wanted to say:

A Change In Me
(From Beauty and the Beast the Musical)
There's been a change in me
A kind of moving on
Though what I used to be
I still depend on
For now I realize
That good can come from bad
That may not make me wise
But oh it makes me glad

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams
But I don't mind
For now I love the world I see
No change of heart a change in me

For in my dark despair
I slowly understood
My perfect world out there
Had disappeared for good
But in it's place I feel
A truer life begin
And it's so good and real
It must come from within

And I-- I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams but I don't mind
I'm where and who I want to be
No change of heart
A change in me

No change of heart
A change in me

Metus Sese

I am not afraid of death.

I know that God has a claim to my soul,
So when I die my destination is his to decide.
I am not afraid of poverty.
I know that there will always be money,
And a hunger for more of it.
I am not afraid of love.
Because I do not know what love is,
Thus I cannot fear it.
I am not afraid of losing myself,
Because I have yet to find myself,
.But.
I am afraid of losing you,
And that scares me to death.

A Bummer of A Summer.

This Summer my days are packed:
Working 7 am-5 pm
Sleeping 6 pm-6 am
Thinking about it all 24/7

B. Well

And for once in a very long time,

He really had nothing to say about it all.

Fess-Up Brocklee!

I have some confessions to make.

First. I want to say that all of my friends are beautiful people.

Is it because they are beautiful that we are friends?

Or is it because they are my friends, that I find them beautiful?

Furthermore, there is something you may not know about me. And in fact I have a few issues as a human being.

One of which being. I do not take compliments well, at all. Why?

I grew up in a family where you were either told what you wanted to hear or you heard nothing at all. So when I find someone who compliments me, I don't know where to file it, or how to respond genuinely.

Next is, I don't fail well. Of course I don't know many people that do. But I may be the worst. I try so hard to please everyone, God, my friends, my family and then (finally) myself. And when I let one of them down, I find myself feeling worthless.

I don't feel that I show my humanity enough, But when I do, I feel I show too much of it. But the scariest thing is, that sometimes I don't get nervous at all, and it makes me very concerned. There are times where I don't feel fear, stress, or uncertainty at all, and that in itself distresses me. But when I do, it's harsh. I suppose I'd rather have a little more balance.

Perhaps the worst of it all: Is the fact that I'm a self-discourager. I see someone I want to get to know, or something I want to achieve, and the next second I will find three reasons why It won't work and why I should abandon all attempts.

But right now I find myself most frustrated at me inability to accept the every day. I have found myself hurt over a crush that I shouldn't even acknowledge, and discouraged by a relationship that I don't feel will happen in my lifetime. "But God has a plan, someone is out there for you" I know that. You can tell me that. I'll remember that. But I can't accept that today.

I've given my all this year. And I've enjoyed myself (maybe a little to much) But if there is one thing I find frustrating, it is the fact, that a man who can attract attention like war to Iraq...the times when I really want someone to notice me...I instead feel like I begin to disappear, little by little, until that person walks right by me without even a shift in their glance.

I wish I had a nice way to wrap up this blog. But for a change, maybe I'll just stop typing, and make myself seem mysterious. Here it is: An Enigmatic Ending!

Year-End Collywobbles.

I haven't written a single thing in my blog in over two weeks.
I haven't decided if it is because I am just sloth-like and lazy,
or if I, for once in my life, had nothing worth saying.
And honestly. I'm still not sure.
As for now.
I wish I could say that I am feeling a second wind,
and a sudden burst of untapped energy and joy,
but unfortunately, I am still dragging.
Friendships I've invested lots of time in are starting to sink,
and others I've neglected are beginning to blossom.
And no matter how many time's I experience the Chaos of an Ending School Year,
I fear I'll never become accustomed to it.
People who seemed unbreakable, are shattered.
Tasks that seemed easy, are more burdensome then ever.
And my eyes which used to light up at the sight of a new face and opportunity,
Are growing heavier then ever.
And the question that comes to my mind,
Who's life am I living?
Because honestly.
I would trade the laughs, the attention, the respect, (or lack there of)
For a sweet-hearted girl who would give me a good conversation to enjoy,
and a soft hand to hold.

The Truth Is...

I am running on empty.
I:
Overestimated,
Overspread,
Overworked,
Myself.
I was warned,
I was questioned,
I was wrong.
And now...
I am exhausted.

The Rush of a Crush.

So I should be typing some paper I am pretty sure is worth a substantial grade for my Sociology class.
But you know what?
I don't care!
Hm.
I'm in a strange mood,
I'm happy but anxious.
I'm tired but relaxed.
And hopeful yet discouraged.
It's odd.
But that's normal for me I guess.
I'm completely excited over a girl again,
something that I've forgotten how to do,
or just tried to ignore.
But frankly,
Nothing beats seeing the smile of your crush,
when you know you caused it.
Shucks.
I'm blushing.
And For the first time in months...
There's something there.

IOU. REO.

Somethings in life are best unspoken. And others, are best spoken by REO Speedwagon.



...I am not sure which is more intense, the mind blowing 80's CGI or the eye-burning 80's hair styles...

.A Lent without Love.

It is finished.

After an entire lent without any music, film, or conversation related to romantic love...After an entire lent without feeling lonely or worthless...After an entire lent without second guessing myself...After an entire lent where I stopped worrying about the way I looked, and just lived on the way I am. I feel exhausted/excited/intrigued. Sure, I slipped up a few times, I admit it. I am human after all. I crushed here and there, I listened to a couple of romantic songs, but I caught myself, and more importantly I stopped myself from feeling self-pity and feeling lonely. I had a chance to see how much I love God, (and vice versa) Because thanks to this Lent without Love, I think I might have fallen head over heels for Christ. Something I can't honestly say I've done in a long time. ...Man, there is so much that he has done/does for me.
I suppose I could babble on a bit more but instead I'll leave you with a couple things I've learned from this Lent 2008.

Fall in love with God first, and the rest will fall into place.
Give your heart to Him, so he can take it exactly where it needs to go.

Now I'm not saying I've transfigured and risen above the rest and the human need to Love, I'm simply saying that I'm seeing it all differently now...and it's refreshing.

And frankly.
I Love... Love again.

OMG

Ever notice how God sends the right people at just the right time?
Sometimes I forget.
Just how great my God is.
And all it takes is a mistake on my part.
To bring it all rushing back.
"Oh my God!"
-Exactly-

P.S.

God called.
He wants your heart back.

Motion in Poetry.

(Cling)

What hope do I hold
When I’m next to the rest?
For I am not very bold
And I’m far from the best.
What hope do I have
Among Romeo Montague,
Who leapt into death
With one swift swoon.
What hope do I have
Among Mister Clark Kent,
The Man of Steel
Who remains unbent.
What hope do I have
Among Martin Luther King,
Who wore his heart on the outside
Rather then the hue of his skin.
What hope do I have
Among men like Jesus,
Who took his own body
And broke it in pieces.
What hope can I hold
When I’m next to the rest,
For I am not very bold
And I am so far from the best.
I’ve never climbed a mountain
Without losing my breath.
And I’ve never held a woman
Without being scared to death.
Perhaps there is nothing that I truly lack,
For rather then standing next to others
I should simply stand in back.
The question I have for each father and sage
Does the path I trek become easier in years
Or even harder with age?
No
I’ve planned a new trip
And followed my heart,
I took life’s script
And rewrote my part.
I’ll embrace my own way
Rather then try to condemn,
I’ll discard the man
that I’ve been made,
And just be the man I am.

Humans: Flaw Incarnate

It amazes me... How people can assume they know what's going on with you.

So they become upset at you.

And then they become defensive.

And they even talk behind your back about it.

Yet the only thing they haven't done.

Is TALK to YOU.

...Beautiful...

And normally, a nice person would see this, and alert them to their mistake. He would be courageous and honest, and show them their error and forgive them on the spot.

Well frankly...I'm not feeling too nice today.


So I'll go for the silent approach...starting....now-

At the seems...

It seems that happiness is my gift to give, but not mine to enjoy.

No matter how many times great things come my way,

I feel the need to pass them on to those who need them more.

And I keep thinking some day I'll hold unto one of those things for myself, "just this once"

...But then again what do I know?

Maybe I'm wrong after all.

Or maybe...everyone else is.

Yeah. I like the last one better too.

The Great Journey of the Den of Brotherhood

There comes a time.

When there is a plan to go somewhere. And you're really not to sure what that plan is exactly.

You're kinda familiar with the name of the city...But overall you have no idea what's going on.

Or when you'll get back...or what on earth you're going to do. (Not to mention eat)

But you know you're best friends are going to be there.

And that's when you say.

"Ok. I'll go."

Even though you're tired. Even though you're a tad bit depressed. Even though you'd rather sleep all day and eat ice cream and then sleep again.

You go.

Why?

Because. That's what friends are for.

What I'm saying is...

I love my friends. I'm not even embarrassed to say that they tickle me pink...Sometimes quite literally.

It's like they know just the right time to whisk me away to wherever.

Even though I'm putting up all those flags and hints. I'm still packed and ready to go. Why? Because.


Plus. I wrote a poem.
It's no Frost. But I'll take it.

Rise and ?
by Brock Powell

I look outside my window,
I'll tell you what I see
A piece of the oblivion.
staring back at me.
And as I stare,
I've become like stone.
Unable to move.
Unable to moan.
But as I long to turn away,
I can see the light of day.
The sun is here,
the black is gone.
And it stays that way.
All day long.

...Clearify?

I wouldn't consider myself a political zealot, or even an avid enthusiast. But I do keep up with the news here and there, and I also subscribe to newsletters from Mike Huckabee (I know I know, but what can I say...I like Mike)

And as I was reading one of those "PLEASE SEND US CASH-MONEY" Emails. I scrolled to the bottom and noticed a section for comments.

Now you see this whole Primary on March 4th is kind of a big deal. And Huckabee wants to meet McCain on the stage for a good old fashioned Lincoln-Douglas debate and Big Mike has asked his supporters to write to John McCain to encourage him to accept the invitation.

Normally, I would just take it in, and delete it. But then I found this particular comment attached to the letter to John McCain....And frankly. I couldn't stop laughing.

Comment 5569

"Dear Senator McCain,

I have writen you. You know my fears if you are our nominee. Please agree to this debate.
Perhaps you can clearify your stands so I can
vote for you if you are our nominee."

...Normally I do not mock other's and their political standings. But seriously. If you are writing a letter to a rivaling presidential candidate with intentions to have him debate YOUR candidate, You damn well better use spell check.

Seriously.

How's that for Clearification?

The Gleek Shall Inherit

Few people know that I am actually a classified Mutant. It's true, I have mastered an odd anatomical function that many just stumble upon by accident. I can gleek. Not by accident, or on the occasion when I sneeze, but I can do so on a whim, at my command.

I control the forces of my saliva, and at the speed of spit I can thrust them from my tongue in an outward direction.

...But don't worry. I know that with Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility.

The truth is, this genetic blessing, has become a lip-smacking curse. Now whenever I speak, or see the sight of food, my gleeking powers malfunction and cause any one in a two foot radius to be showered by my expectorating mayhem.

It's sad really. People see my powers glitch and they assume that I am just a disgusting amateur of the Salivating Arts. ...Little do they know the true potential of my gleeking.

Honestly, it started out as a cool trick, and then it became a cool way to gross-out my squeamish friends, and now...It's out of control

I am tired of being a freak, outcast from society (mainly open salad bars)... Charles Xavier was wrong! THERE IS NO HOPE FOR THE HOMO-SUPERIOR!

Oh well. I guess I just have to realize...

Spit Happens.

Away with Words!

word |wərd|
noun
a single distinct meaningful element of speech or writing, used with others (or sometimes alone) to form a sentence and typically shown with a space on either side when written or printed.
• a single distinct conceptual unit of language, comprising inflected and variant forms.
• (usu. words) something that someone says or writes; a remark or piece of information : his grandfather's words had been meant kindly | a word of warning.
• speech as distinct from action : he conforms in word and deed to the values of a society that he rejects.
• [with negative ] ( a word) even the smallest amount of something spoken or written : don't believe a word of it.
• ( one's word) a person's account of the truth, esp. when it differs from that of another person : in court it would have been his word against mine.
• ( one's word) a promise or assurance : everything will be taken care of—you have my word.
• ( words) the text or spoken part of a play, opera, or other performed piece; a script : he had to learn his words.
• ( words) angry talk : her father would have had words with her about that.
• a message; news : I was afraid to leave Washington in case there was word from the office.
• a command, password, or motto : someone gave me the word to start playing.
• a basic unit of data in a computer, typically 16 or 32 bits long.

It has been said that I have a way with words.
So what. Words don't stop speeding bullets, put food on the table, or bring an end to pain in the world... They are just words. Several syllables strewn together into some phonetic representation of thought.

And then you take those words, and mash them together, to make sentences, and so on and so forth. Until you have some bloated conglomeration of prose and purpose... I can speak clearly, I can speak proudly, but I can't speak freely. I can tell you what I want, but I cannot tell you what I mean. I can see a pair of beautiful eyes, and describe them, but I cannot look into them and tell them what I see.

It seems most frustrating, that the thing I do best, I can't do when I need it most. A paper is due, and I can't find the right words. Words that I have been spouting off for the entire day, at every odd occasion. When I finally need them...they're absent.

I can explain why the sky is blue, rant about television and the topsy-turvy world we live in. But when a friend confides in me, and expects the right words...I just don't have them. So I stumble, I mumble, I stall...

It has been happening more and more lately...The man with a thousand explanations, just wishes to have one sturdy response...

To have a way with words, but to have no clue or idea how to use them, is the most painful experience I have felt in ages.

..After all, there are only so many ways to say "I don't know"

Away with Words!

Mundane Monday

I suppose in my life, I can acknowledge that I have (some) weaknesses. But of all my faults, the largest is found in my own attention span. So short...So weak...So easily distracted. (It's like a French man... except the fact...that is in my brain...and it doesn't reek of arrogance.)

You see, As I write this, I am sitting in a class. A class which by my mathematics (which are naturally flawed) is costing me around $250 to sit in. I am literally WASTING my time and money by not listening to my Professor speak his sagacious words of enlightenment.

And frankly, for whatever reason...I just don't care.

Because: Today is Monday, and I suppose the truth is... I hate you Monday.

Why? Because Monday, You are too close to Sunday, and too far from Saturday. I can still vividly recall the fresh freedoms of last Sunday afternoon, as I found myself frolicking through the meadows of my imagination, compared to my current position in the cold and harsh bondage I suffer as a slave to your dull and dank Monday routine.

Which brings me to my secret weekly wish. I wish that once a week, I could press the stop button. And everything around me would halt, and I could walk out of whatever situation I find myself in and go read a comic book or plop on my bed and play Halo 3 until my hands shrivel. Alas...My Time Ceasing Device does not exist...and may very well never.

I'm still writing...and I'm still in the same class. And I wish I could say my interest has peaked, and I must be off to dive head first into the pool of knowledge I have found before me. But frankly...No matter how much this class is costing, and how "Important the information" is...I still just don't care. It's Monday, it's nice outside, and...

I want to frolic dammit!

Pen Pals

Some things people don't know about me include: I am afraid of Californian highways, wild cougars, and failure. Some other things people don't know about me? I love rice pudding, chewing (a minimum of) 3 pieces of gum at once, and making up faux-profanities that I can shout and not feel guilty of saying.
But one thing that I have never shared? I make up pen-names, ALL the time.


Why? Well...I love to write, and I love to write honestly, and there is something about writing as Brock, and then publishing as Joe Bongobottom from Thornberry England that fascinates me...I can be just as honest, without fear of critiscim or questioning. And the best thing is, If somebody finds out that Joe Bongobottom isn't real, then I'll just find another name, of another guy, living in another far off country.


Just a few of my favorite pen names: Walter J. Munch, a post american revolution author (not so) famous for his prose on marriage and courting. Bryan-Francis Piccard, well-known French poet, most famous for his ground breaking social commentary, and outragous accent. And the closest to my heart, Ken Foster, who has yet to actually be discovered and appreciated by modern readers.


Frankly, I don't know why I love pen names, and I don't know why I love writing, and further more, I don't think I'll ever stop writing with pen names or for that matter, with pens. Because in this world, you can say whatever you want, as long as your are willing to make people uncomfortable and angry, and sometimes, if you still want to speak your mind, you pick a different set of lips to do it with...


And if you find yourself in need of expression, feel free to jot down a couple letters to Walter J. Munch, I'm sure he'd appreciate the fan mail... -Brock

"There's A Snake In My Boot!"

Have you ever seen Toy Story 2? When Andy had a broken toy, he didn't toss it away, or give it to another friend...He placed it on the shelf, where it could watch all the other working toys have fun, and interact...and be happy.

So now you may be wondering, why on earth I would use such an...awesome...analogy And frankly I think it's because lately I feel like the Penguin, Wheezy. You see, Wheezy, swallows his squeaker...The one thing that made him fun and unique...he loses. Yet somehow, in the end, when Woody and the Gang needed him most, he manages to get repaired. And sings like Robert Goulet...I guess lately, that's how I feel. I really feel like I've "schwallowed my schqueaker". But that isn't to say that it's forever.

You see, When I gave up love for lent, I thought that it would make everyday things easier. And, just maybe, that if I didn't have the burden of romance on my shoulders, that being with my friends would be a blast again. But now...I feel that I cannot do anything right. And for whatever reason this week, I have lost my ability to speak my mind without repercussion and do what I feel I should do, without facing consequence. It's like 18 years of being Mr. Goody-goody finally caught up with me, and all that random useless friend feuding I've been avoiding has barreled into my life like Donkey Kong on steroids. Because the one thing I was good at, was making friends, and keeping them happy...And now it's one more thing, that I just can't seem to do right anymore. The one thing that made me fun and unique...I've lost.

I don't know exactly what I've done different, but I feel that I've hurt more feelings and risked ruining friendships more this week, then anyother in my life. And just when I wanted to crawl into my room and go to sleep early, God sends someone to my door.

Now normally I would tell this person to go take a flying leap into the sun, but I could tell he needed to talk, and damn my bleeding heart, but I stepped outside into the light. And thanks to a white chocolate mocha and two hours of debating religion and family issues with him...I feel great. I feel that even though I am useless, bumbling, and a down right dum-dum, that God will still push me through when he needs to use me.

So even though I feel shelved. I know that God wants to say "You've got a friend in me", and it's just a matter of listening......And I know...I know this is probably the corniest blog that anyone has ever written, but frankly I don't care...

Because, I feel like someday soon, I'll be ready to go Infinity and beyond again...

But....Until then, I guess the shelf isn't too bad afterall.

A Loveless Lent

This year, I decided to make Lent mean something. You see, every year up until this one. It was always just a tradition, to give up something that I enjoyed but did not really need. So when it came time to go without it for 40 days, it was easy street.
But this time, however, I gave up a large part of life, a large part of what makes me Brock, and not some guy named Robert living in a van down by the river.
I've given up Love. That's right. L-O-V-E. And every time I've opened up to somebody and told them that, they have either chuckled or said "...You can't give love up...That's not what Lent is about"
But on the contrary. What I am giving up, is exactly what Lent is about. The purpose of Lent, is to remove a road-block from our spiritual paths, something that is distracting us from what is important, from what is real. And somehow I don't think that giving up gummy bears and diet soda will cut it. I'm giving up Love for Lent, because I've misplaced my heart.
Now, when I say "love" I don't mean brotherly love, or even spiritual (family in christ) love. I mean Romantic, Beauty and the Beast, daisies and sonnets, love. Because the truth is, I love to love. And I spend so many time's with my head in my hands, cursing myself for only being "the guy friend" for never getting my "big chance" with a girl. ....I've spent so many time's looking for my dream girl, that I've gotten myself lost in a nightmare.
So for the next 35 days, I refuse to listen to cheesy Disney music, write love poems, listen to romantic stories, watch romantic movies, and more importantly I will not pursuit a romantic relationship. Because for the next 35 days...It does not matter.

Yes, I can and will do it. 35 more days. And I'll stumble through Valentine's day with my eyes glued to the scripture and mind furrowed in the many blessings I've been given. So what if my blessings don't come in a pink bow or wrapped in big hugs?

The truth is the only set of arms I need in my life, are the ones that Christ put on the cross.

"We love because he first loved us" 1 John 4:19