I haven't written a single thing in my blog in over two weeks.
I haven't decided if it is because I am just sloth-like and lazy,
or if I, for once in my life, had nothing worth saying.
And honestly. I'm still not sure.
As for now.
I wish I could say that I am feeling a second wind,
and a sudden burst of untapped energy and joy,
but unfortunately, I am still dragging.
Friendships I've invested lots of time in are starting to sink,
and others I've neglected are beginning to blossom.
And no matter how many time's I experience the Chaos of an Ending School Year,
I fear I'll never become accustomed to it.
People who seemed unbreakable, are shattered.
Tasks that seemed easy, are more burdensome then ever.
And my eyes which used to light up at the sight of a new face and opportunity,
Are growing heavier then ever.
And the question that comes to my mind,
Who's life am I living?
Because honestly.
I would trade the laughs, the attention, the respect, (or lack there of)
For a sweet-hearted girl who would give me a good conversation to enjoy,
and a soft hand to hold.
2 comments:
Stop looking for a girl and start looking for yourself. When you find you, she will find you also. You are not destined to live a life alone. God WILL provide someone for you to share your life with. But now is not the time. You are so damn young. Enjoy being you without having to define yourself by being someone's boyfriend. Don't ever feel that you want to trade the laughs and the good times for just one person because we are not put on this earth to live our life for one person. Although so many people in love often say they live their life for one person, they don't. We are here on this earth with a MULTITUDE of people, and if we only strive to look for ONE meaningful relationship, we will end up empty and regretful. Live your life for what it is NOW and not what you WISH it were. You are an amazing individual and I hate for you to waste your time wanting more than what you already have. You have so much going for you and for you to feel that you NEED another person besides God and yourself (who are the only two living souls who know you best) to tell you how wonderful and amazing you are, is a waste of your time. Be young and ENJOY it for we will never be here again :)
hmmm, some good advice there. but there is one thing i take issue with (and not to be discouraging, because i think you are amazing... truly, and girls around here are insane if they don't see it too), and that is "God WILL provide someone for you to share your life with". in the sense of community and fellowship of believers, yes, but the Bible never promised you a wife.
the only reason i am bursting this bubble is because i, at 27, am only just now realizing that i may never get everything i want. all those years of sesame street watching told me that i could do anything i want or be anything i want and that i could have anything i want, just as long as i want it bad enough. and i'm sorry, big bird, but that's a load of crap. i will never just up and take flight, no matter how badly i might want to. even if i devoted my entire life to studying and practicing and wanting it really badly and beating myself up when i failed and telling myself that i just have to want it more, i still won't fly. wanna know why? God didn't make me to fly. and guess what? even though i want to more than anything else, i might never get married. wanna know why? it's not in my control. lots of things aren't.
so, i'd like to be encouraging and tell you that everything will go your way, you just have to be patient and all that blah blah blah. but from one person who has attempted (and failed) to make meaning from doing and accomplishing and beating myself of when i fail to (potentially) another, you're great but you'll never be perfect. you can't expect yourself to be. there are few guarantees in this life.
God loves you deeply but His ultimate goal is to have our lives bring Him glory, because He's worthy, and He goes about bringing Himself glory in some ways that seem really strange to me, but He's God, not me, so i don't get to understand, try as i might.
so, all i am saying is, i think the most satisfying thing that any of us can achieve will to be to grow so closely in our relationship with God that we begin to understand Him and His will in a way that allows us to long for what He longs for. then, we will be infinitely happy when we see His good, pleasing, and perfect will unfold around us, whatever it might be.
but, you are great, and i really mean it. and i hope you find someone that is as wonderful that is worthy of your affection.
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